If there’s one question that haunts every twenty-something at some point, it’s this: Who am I, and what do I actually want in life?

As a child, the answer seemed so simple. Maybe you wanted to be a doctor, an astronaut, or a world-famous singer (even though your shower concerts were the only performances you ever gave). You thought that by the time you reached adulthood, things would magically fall into place. You’d wake up one day, perfectly in tune with your life’s purpose, confidently striding toward your goals. Sounds familiar? This was the story for me, at least.

But here you are, in your twenties, and instead of feeling like the main character in a coming-of-age movie, you feel more like an extra who lost their script.

You scroll through social media, watching people your age start businesses, travel the world, or settle into careers they seemingly love. Meanwhile, you’re just trying to figure out what to have for dinner. One moment, you’re convinced you want to move to a big city and chase your dreams; the next, you’re wondering if you’d be just as happy opening a little café by the sea and disappearing from the chaos altogether.

And you know what? That’s okay.

Your twenties are a weird, in-between stage where you’re expected to know yourself, but you’re still actively discovering who that even is. Maybe you’re realizing that the career path you chose at 18 doesn’t excite you anymore. Maybe the hobbies you once loved don’t feel the same. Maybe the life you thought you wanted… isn’t actually what you want at all.

It’s terrifying, but also freeing. Because the truth is, you don’t have to have it all figured out yet.

Nobody hands you a manual on how to build a life that feels right for you. It’s trial and error. It’s trying things out, making mistakes, pivoting, and learning what sparks something inside of you. It’s about unlearning the expectations placed on you—by society, by your family, by your past self—and allowing yourself to change.

So, who are you really? What do you actually want? Maybe you don’t know yet. Maybe your answer will change a hundred times. But instead of stressing over finding the perfect answer, maybe the real question should be: Who do you want to be today?

At 24, I’m still figuring out who I am and what I actually want from life. I spent five years studying, yet it’s only now—while “standing still” in my gap year—that I’m truly rediscovering what makes me happy. Gap years are so misunderstood, often judged as a sign of being lost or falling behind. But honestly? I don’t see it that way.

There’s something incredibly valuable about stepping outside of the roles we’re expected to play—student, employee, daughter—and just focusing on who we are without external pressure. When you’re not constantly chasing the next milestone, you have the space to reflect on what you genuinely want, instead of what others expect from you. That clarity is priceless.

So, if you’re taking a break, feeling stuck, or questioning your path—don’t beat yourself up. There is no single “right” way to move through life, and we shouldn’t feel pressured to constantly be in motion just for the sake of it. And yes, I get it—bills, responsibilities, and expectations make it hard to just pause. But if you can carve out even a little space for self-reflection, it’s worth it.

One thing that really helped me was filling out the “Power, Purpose, Pleasure” circle which I learned about during my organized gap year called Breekjaar, a program that teaches youngsters “life lessons” that school never talks about – I learned to map out what I’m good at (this can be both hard and soft skills), what brings me joy, and where I can create meaning. Your full potential is where power, pleasure and purpose meet. If you’re feeling lost, maybe it can help you too. 💛

What’s one thing you would do differently if no one else’s expectations mattered?