You know that feeling when you’re staring at a decision like it’s the menu at a new restaurant—overwhelmed, slightly sweaty, and convinced every option is both right and wrong? Yeah, same. Whether it’s deciding what job to take, whether to move cities, or whether to text your ex (spoiler alert: don’t), making choices can feel like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without instructions or emotional stability.

But here’s the plot twist no one teaches you in school: you already have the manual. It’s called your values. When you understand what really matters to you—not your mom, not society, not some productivity guru on YouTube—you gain a decision-making compass that’s actually reliable. No crystal ball needed.

How to identify your core values

Let’s demystify this whole “core values” thing. They’re not just fancy words you slap on a vision board—they’re your inner compass, the behind-the-scenes crew running the show whenever you make a choice, big or small. And knowing what yours are can seriously simplify decision-making (and maybe cut down on the midnight spirals).

So how do you actually find them? I was first introduced to the concept of values during a personal development program called Breekjaar, where our coaches asked us to pick three core values that truly represented us. Here’s what their course on values helped me understand:

Start with your highlight reel—think back to moments when you felt most proud, fulfilled, or just right. Were you leading a team? Helping someone out? Creating something from scratch? Chances are, those moments reflect what you truly value—like leadership, kindness, or creativity.

Now flip it—what drives you nuts? If canceling plans last-minute makes you want to scream into a pillow, reliability might be one of your values. If meaningless small talk makes your soul wilt, maybe you deeply value depth and authenticity.

Also, peek at who you admire. The people you look up to are walking clues. Are they brave? Grounded? Hilariously honest? What you respect in others often mirrors what matters to you.

If you need help naming things, google “core values list” and circle the words that punch you in the gut (the good kind of punch). Then, narrow it down to 3–5 that really make you go, “Yep, that’s me.” These don’t have to be fancy—they just have to feel true.

So, let’s talk about how knowing your values can make life a little less chaotic and a lot more “ahh, this makes sense.”

1. Values are your internal GPS

Think of your values as the GPS for your life. When you’re lost in the forest of pros and cons lists, they quietly whisper, “Turn left. That’s the road that feels most like you.”

If freedom, for example, is a core value, then choosing a job with strict 9–5 hours and no remote option is going to feel like wearing jeans that almost fit: technically fine, but deeply uncomfortable. Knowing your values helps you spot those red flags before you say yes to something that low-key feels like a soul betrayal.

2. They cut down the mental noise

Every decision has voices: your fear, your people-pleasing tendencies, your inner overthinker. When you know your values, you can quiet the noise and focus on what actually aligns with you, not just what will make other people nod approvingly at brunch.

It’s not about what looks good on paper—it’s about what feels right when you imagine your future self living with that decision. If you value connection, you might opt for a job that involves collaborating with people rather than crunching numbers in an accountancy office. Values cut through the fluff and help you zero in on what truly matters to you.

3. They help you say no (with less guilt)

When you’re a recovering people-pleaser or a chronic “sure, I can do that” kind of person, saying no feels like a betrayal. But when your values are clear, saying no isn’t rude—it’s respectful. To yourself.

If your top value is balance, and someone asks you to take on another project when you’re already overwhelmed, your answer becomes: “I’d love to help, but I’m protecting my energy this week.” Boom. Boundary. No guilt. Just you living up to your values.

4. They build decision-making confidence

Let’s be honest—half the reason decisions feel so hard is because we don’t trust ourselves. But values give you a track record. When you start making choices based on them, and those choices actually work out (or at least feel right), you start to build trust in your own judgment.

For me, it often comes down to this: if a decision aligns with honesty and peace, it usually means I’m on the right track. I feel most at ease when the places I spend time in bring a sense of calm, and the people around me are genuine and truthful.

5. They evolve—and that’s okay

Here’s the tea: your values aren’t set in stone. The things that mattered most to you at 22 might not be the same at 32—and that’s not failure, that’s growth.

Check in with your values regularly, especially after big life shifts. Journaling, therapy, long walks while contemplating your existence—all great methods. The more in touch you are with your current values, the better your decisions will be for the person you are now.

Final thoughts

Understanding your core values isn’t just another self-help task—it’s a powerful tool you already have. When decisions overwhelm you, your values act like a flashlight in the dark, showing what truly matters and helping you avoid guilt and second-guessing.

Values guide not only big life choices but also the small daily ones, shaping your story in ways you might not even notice. And remember, they can change as you grow—so check in with them often.

Next time you’re stuck, don’t just “trust your gut” (especially if it’s full of anxiety and iced coffee). Trust your values—they’ll help you decide with clarity and confidence.

What are your top three values? And how well do they line up with the decisions you’ve made lately?