Have you ever found yourself scrolling through social media or comparing your progress to a friend’s, seeing their achievements and thinking, “Why am I not there yet?” We all do it—whether consciously or not. Comparison is a sneaky thief of joy, making us feel like the grass is always greener on the other side.

For years, I compared myself to my younger brother. He was naturally gifted in academics, breezing through a higher level of high school than I did, while I had to work twice as hard just to keep up with my own. No matter how much effort I put in, I always felt like I was running behind, stuck in his shadow.

It didn’t help that in my home country, there’s an unspoken rivalry between universities of applied sciences and research universities. Applied sciences universities focus on practical skills and internships—something companies love—but research universities hold the prestige. Growing up, I internalized the idea that research universities were for the “smart cookies,” while applied sciences were somehow lesser.

So, when I got accepted into a university of applied sciences, I felt like my academic journey wasn’t as respected. No matter my grades, it never felt “special enough.” The irony? One of my closest friends was struggling to even find a field she liked, battling mental health issues along the way. To her, I was the one who had it all figured out, moving steadily toward a degree while she felt stuck.

The never-ending race

That’s the thing about comparison—it never stops. You could be at the top of your field and still find someone who’s “doing better.” I convinced myself that getting a master’s degree at a research university would finally put me on my brother’s level. But when I graduated? I felt… nothing. No surge of pride, no newfound sense of intelligence, no validation that I had “outsmarted” him.

Because here’s the truth: Comparison feeds the ego, not the soul. If you measure yourself against someone you perceive as more successful, you’ll always feel inadequate. And if you compare yourself to someone you think is struggling more than you, it creates a false sense of superiority. Neither of these mindsets brings true fulfillment.

Why comparison is a losing game

• It distorts reality. You’re only seeing a highlight reel of other people’s lives, not the behind-the-scenes struggles. Sure, someone might be more academically gifted, but maybe you have stronger social skills or a knack for creativity. There are multiple types of intelligence (which, by the way, I’ll dive into in an upcoming blog post).
• It steals your gratitude. Instead of appreciating what you do have, you’re too busy focusing on what’s missing. Which is a shame, really, because you have so many strengths that deserve the spotlight. The more you chase what you lack, the less you value what’s already yours.
• It messes with your motivation. If you’re chasing achievements just to prove your worth rather than because they genuinely excite you, you’ll likely end up feeling empty (trust me, I’ve been there—reaching a milestone and thinking, Wait… this is it? 1/10 would recommend).
• It adds unnecessary pressure. Life isn’t a competition, but comparison makes it feel like one—an endless race with a moving finish line. There will always be someone ahead in some way, making you feel like you’re behind. But chasing an invisible standard is exhausting. The real win? Learning to be at peace with your own path.

What to do instead

1. Focus on your own growth

Look at where you were a year ago, five years ago—notice how much you’ve evolved. Your journey has its own timeline (read: how to pick the right next step/trustyourowntimeline), and that’s totally okay. Think about how the past version of you would be so proud of how far you’ve come. Instead of looking sideways at what others are doing, look backwards—and forwards—at your own path. Growth isn’t always loud or linear, and sometimes the smallest steps are actually the biggest wins.

2. Define success for yourself

What do you actually want—beyond what looks good on paper or impresses others? External validation is something that will never give us internal happiness. Sure—it will give us temporary joy, and maybe a sense of pride, but happiness is only something you can create yourself. Start asking yourself: does this goal actually excite me, or is it just something I think I should do? When you define success on your own terms, life becomes a lot more fun (and way less performative).

3. Celebrate others without self-doubt

Someone else’s success doesn’t diminish your own potential. Your friend landing their dream job doesn’t mean you’re failing—it just means they worked hard and earned it. Celebrate their achievements as proof that great things are possible, and your turn is coming too.
The more we root for each other, the less lonely it feels. Plus, clapping for someone else makes the whole journey more joyful—it’s way better than sulking in a corner with your arms crossed, promise.

4. Practice gratitude

Shift your focus from “I wish I had what they have” to “I’m grateful for what I do have.” If you’re always chasing the next thing, you’ll never feel satisfied with where you are. But when you start appreciating the present, you’ll realize just how much you already have. Try writing down three things you’re proud of or thankful for at the end of the day—even if they’re tiny. It rewires your brain to notice abundance over lack. And that? That’s powerful.

5. Turn envy into inspiration

Instead of feeling discouraged by someone else’s success, ask yourself, What can I learn from them? If they made it happen, that means it’s possible for you as well. Let their journey motivate you, not intimidate you. Jealousy can actually be a compass—it points to something you secretly want. Use it as data, not drama. Then turn it into fuel, not a self-criticism spiral.

Final thoughts

At the end of the day, the only person you should be competing with is you. Growth isn’t about being better than someone else—it’s about becoming the best version of yourself. And that doesn’t always mean more success; sometimes, it just means more peace, more joy, more you. So let go of the race, embrace your own path, and trust that you are enough, exactly as you are.

What’s one area of your life where you’ve caught yourself playing the comparison game—and (how) did you shift your mindset to focus on your own journey?