When I was younger, I had this strong urge to be everywhere. Like, literally everywhere. My parents had a big family and an even bigger circle of friends, so weekends were usually a back-to-back marathon of social gatherings. I also had a nice group of friends on my own, so there was always something going on.

But I still remember this one birthday party when I was about ten. Everyone from my friend group was invited… except me. I didn’t even know the girl throwing the party that well, but that didn’t stop me. Nope—I went full cringe and started being extra nice to her for days. And yes, I straight-up asked if she could invite me to her birthday party. I was that desperate to fit in and not miss out. And no, I’m definitely not proud of it.

But hey, my FOMO (fear of missing out) was real. As a teenager, with Instagram on the rise, that feeling only intensified. Suddenly it wasn’t just about parties anymore—it was about everything. We’re constantly bombarded with curated snapshots of other people’s lives, making it seem like everyone is doing something cooler, better, more exciting. A simple scroll could spark this quiet, low-key anxiety that I wasn’t doing enough, that I was somehow behind in life. And it wasn’t even about wanting to go out all the time. It was about the pressure to be seen doing things. To be “on.” To post something worth liking. To feel like I was part of the moment too.

That’s actually one of the main reasons I deleted Instagram. I became obsessed with only showing the shiny, happy parts of my life—even though I knew better than anyone that life isn’t all sunshine and cute coffee pics. But that’s a story for another time (or read: why I quit Instagram).

Back to FOMO. It’s honestly everywhere. I’ve talked to so many friends about this, and even my dad brings it up sometimes. Yup, FOMO doesn’t disappear after your twenties—it lingers. It evolves. It follows you into adulthood like a clingy shadow (not to sound dramatic).

But why is that? Surprise—it all goes back to our hunter-gatherer ancestors (it always does, right?). Humans are wired to be social. Back then, getting left out of the group wasn’t just awkward—it could be dangerous. So our brains developed a strong fear of exclusion. That ancient survival instinct is still alive and well today. The difference now is that instead of watching our tribe around a campfire, we’re watching hundreds of people through tiny screens—and our brains react just as strongly, even if the “threat” is just missing a brunch.

So yeah—if you experience FOMO, you’re not weak or dramatic. You’re literally wired that way. But the good news? We can retrain that wiring. For me, it took years of (very) awkward trial and error—learning how to spend time alone without feeling lonely, figuring out what I actually enjoy (read: how to be alone without being lonely). But over time, I managed to turn my FOMO into JOMO—the joy of missing out. And now? I genuinely enjoy staying home or doing my own thing, even when others are out and about.

Here’s what helped me shift that mindset:

1. Reframe what “missing out” actually means

We often treat “missing out” like we’re being robbed of an experience, as if not being somewhere automatically means we’re losing something valuable. But what if missing out on one thing means gaining something even better? Peace. Rest. Mental clarity. Space to breathe. By skipping an event, you’re not closing the door on life—you’re choosing what version of life you want in that moment. Instead of spiraling into “I should be there,” try flipping the script: “I get to be here.” Here, in your cozy home. Here, with your thoughts and your favorite snacks. Here, choosing presence over pressure. And really—would you prefer awkward small talk in a crowded room where you feel invisible, or soaking in a warm bath, wrapped in a robe, watching your comfort show for the fifth time? You don’t have to ask me twice..

2. Romanticize your alone time

Being alone doesn’t have to feel like a punishment. In fact, when you start treating solo time as something intentional—something sacred—it becomes one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Light that candle like you’re in a romantic drama. Brew your favorite tea like you’re the main character in a Parisian café. Put on a playlist that makes your soul exhale. Wear cozy socks. Do absolutely nothing and love every minute of it. The truth is, alone time isn’t lonely when you enjoy your own company. It’s empowering (read: romanticizing your life). When you learn how to fill your own cup, you stop chasing other people to quench your thirst for meaning. So go ahead—romanticize your life, even the quietest parts of it. Because those are often the most beautiful.

3. Create your own definition of “fun”

Fun doesn’t have to be loud. It doesn’t have to be photogenic. It doesn’t have to involve RSVPs or or group chats that give you mild anxiety. Real fun is personal. It’s the stuff that lights you up, even if nobody else “gets” it. Maybe for you, fun is making playlists that match your mood. Maybe it’s cooking a new recipe while dancing in your kitchen. Maybe it’s Saturday mornings spent in bed with a book and a croissant. And guess what? That counts. You don’t need validation or witnesses for your joy to be real. Stop measuring your happiness by other people’s highlight reels and start defining it on your own terms. Your fun, your rules.

4. Set intentional boundaries

Let’s be honest: social media is FOMO’s favorite playground. It thrives on comparison, speed, and endless updates. If you’re feeling anxious every time you scroll, that’s a sign—not a flaw. You’re allowed to protect your peace. Mute people. Log off. Leave the group chat on read. Say “no thanks” to plans that don’t align with your current energy. Say “no” without adding “sorry” (I know it’s hard). Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re filters. They let in what nourishes you and block what drains you. Recently, I turned down a party invite with a simple “no”—no excuses, no guilt. And let me tell you, the freedom that came with that? Pure JOMO magic. You don’t owe your time or presence to anyone. Your well-being comes first.

5. Practice presence over performance

So much of FOMO is rooted in this need to perform—like we’re constantly auditioning for the best life award. We watch what others are doing and subconsciously measure our own lives against theirs. But life isn’t a competition. And joy doesn’t come from performance—it comes from presence. Start grounding yourself in the moment you’re actually in. Notice how good your coffee smells in the morning. Watch your pet curl up like a cinnamon roll. Feel the softness of your favorite sweater. These aren’t just “background” moments. They are the moment. When you shift your focus from watching other people live to fully experiencing your own life, everything changes. You realize you’re not missing out at all. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Final thoughts

Feeling FOMO doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you—it just means you’re human. We all want to feel connected, included, and part of something bigger. But the beauty of growing up (and glowing up) is realizing that joy doesn’t have to come from being everywhere, all the time. Sometimes the most fulfilling moments come when we say “no,” stay in, and show up for ourselves instead. So the next time FOMO knocks on your door, greet it with compassion—and maybe a cozy blanket and your favorite playlist. You’re not missing out. You’re making space for something deeper: peace, presence, and the kind of joy that doesn’t need an audience.

How do you embrace your own version of joy, even when it means missing out?