Ever catch yourself thinking, “I’m just not good at this” or “I’ll never be creative/smart/confident like that”? That, my friend, is your fixed mindset talking.

Now, let’s flip that script: what if you could say, “I’m not great at this—yet” or “I can learn this, even if it takes time”? That’s the growth mindset.

Coined by psychologist Carol Dweck, these two mindsets are basically your mental operating systems. A fixed mindset believes your abilities are set in stone—you either have it or you don’t. A growth mindset, on the other hand, is all about developing your skills with effort, practice, and patience. It reminds me of Pippi Longstocking’s approach to life: “I’ve never done it, so I think I can.”

Spoiler alert: one mindset will leave you battling burnout, imposter syndrome, and a chronic case of self-doubt. The other? It leads to resilience, curiosity, and confidence. Guess which one you want?

Here’s the good news: you’re not stuck with the mindset you’ve got. You can learn a growth mindset—just like you can learn anything else. Here’s how to fire your inner hater and start rewiring for growth, in five doable, non-cringe steps:

1. Catch your fixed mindset in the act

The fixed mindset doesn’t always burst in with a dramatic “YOU SUCK!” (though sometimes it does). More often, it’s sneakier, whispering things like, “I’m not a math person,” or “This is too hard,” or my favorite, “What if I mess up and look stupid?” When these thoughts pop up, pause and recognize them. I call it out with, “Ah, my fixed mindset is acting up again.” My therapist even suggested naming that voice in my head (hello, Harry). This simple step interrupts the spiral and gives you a second to breathe and reframe. Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” try adding a little power word: “I can’t do this yet,” or just tell that voice to “Fuck off, Harry.” That tiny shift will open up an entire universe of growth.

2. Fall in love with the process, not the outcome

The fixed mindset is obsessed with results: the A+, the promotion, the six-pack. But the growth mindset? She’s more into the process. That means learning to celebrate the little victories, like trying something new, pushing through the awkward stage, or gracefully recovering after you face-plant. It’s about appreciating the effort, not just the finish line. Because—let’s be real—if you only focus on the outcome, you’ll miss all the good stuff happening along the way (sounds cheesy but it’s true). So, take the pressure off being “good” and start getting into the groove of getting better.

3. Swap judgment for curiosity

Here’s the deal: the fixed mindset is all about judgment, telling you you’re not good enough. The growth mindset, on the other hand, is curious and kind, focusing on what can be learned from the experience. For example, if you bomb a presentation, the fixed mindset will make you feel like you’re terrible at public speaking, while the growth mindset will ask what went wrong and how you can improve next time. Instead of beating yourself up, ask questions like, “What can I learn from this?” or “What can I do differently next time?” Curiosity turns mistakes into lessons—judgment just makes you want to crawl into bed and never come out.

4. Surround yourself with growth-oriented people

If you’re hanging out with people who treat effort like failure and think perfection is a personality trait, your growth mindset is going to have a hard time surviving (believe me—I know). Constantly being around that energy can make you second-guess yourself and wonder if you’re doing it all wrong. The key is to surround yourself with people who get it—who normalize the learning process, cheer for effort, and aren’t afraid to talk about their own screw-ups. Mindsets are contagious, so choose your circle wisely—your mental health will thank you.

5. Redefine failure (like, completely)

In the fixed mindset world, failure = “I’m not good enough.” But in the growth mindset world, failure = “Sweet! Feedback!”—or how one of my friends likes to frame it: “You either win, or you learn.” So, technically, you never really fail; you just gain valuable lessons along the way. Every setback is an opportunity to discover what doesn’t work so you can adjust and try again, smarter and stronger. In the growth mindset, failure isn’t something to fear—it’s just another step in the learning process.

Final thoughts

The beauty of a growth mindset is that it’s not about perfection—it’s about showing up, embracing the bumps, and taking small steps toward getting better. It’s about understanding that progress is messy, and sometimes it’s slow, but that’s okay. What matters is that I keep learning, experimenting, and trying again.

So, let’s reframe our struggles, focus on the process, and be kinder to ourselves. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being willing to grow.

✨ What’s one area of your life where you’re ready to step into the growth mindset, and how would it feel to give yourself permission to make mistakes along the way?