From the moment we’re old enough to answer the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” there’s an unspoken expectation that we should have a clear, respectable, and practical answer. Doctor, lawyer, teacher—something that makes sense, sounds impressive, and won’t make our parents break out in a cold sweat. But what happens when what we actually love doesn’t fit into that neat little box?

For so many of us, our twenties are a constant tug-of-war between passion and expectation. We grow up absorbing other people’s definitions of success—good grades, a stable job, financial security—and somewhere along the way, we lose sight of what we actually want. Maybe you went to college because it was the “right” thing to do, only to realize that the degree you spent years chasing doesn’t excite you. Maybe you’re in a job that looks great on paper but drains the life out of you. Or maybe you have a dream—something creative, unconventional, or risky—but fear of judgment (or financial instability) is holding you back.

The world loves a predictable success story. There’s comfort in traditional paths because they provide a sense of security. And let’s be real—chasing what you love doesn’t always come with a roadmap or a guaranteed paycheck. That’s why so many of us end up in careers that feel safe rather than fulfilling.

There’s also the external pressure—the family members who “just want what’s best for you,” the fear of disappointing people, the comparison trap that makes you feel like you’re falling behind if your path looks different. It’s exhausting and stressful, for me at least.

During my first gap year at 17, my parents were terrified that I’d spend my days lounging on the couch, directionless. To ease their worries, I ended up in a structured program called Breekjaar, focused on personal development. It turned out to be an eye-opening experience—one that forced me to confront unresolved traumas, recognize my strengths and weaknesses, and understand that vulnerability isn’t a flaw but a tool for growth. Most importantly, it taught me how to make my own decisions rather than letting my parents dictate my path.

Now, seven years later, I’m in my third gap year, living 1,200 kilometers away from home. And yet, even from this distance, I can still feel their unease. I can sense their fear—that I won’t become the person they envisioned, that I won’t fit into the mold they hoped for, that I won’t “make it” in the way they imagined.

But here’s the thing—I refuse to give their worries the power to dictate my life. I don’t want to wake up weighed down by guilt or the feeling that I’m somehow failing. This time off is mine, and I’m choosing to use it for me—to explore what truly matters to me, what I love, and what excites me.

I’m realizing that what I truly love is putting my thoughts into words—expressing the chaos, doubts, and discoveries of my twenties in a way that others might (hopefully) find somewhat relatable. For those who are also struggling to find their place, who are exhausted from trying to meet expectations that were never really theirs to begin with. For those who don’t want to be confined to traditional paths but instead feel free enough to carve out their own, I hope those tips will help:

So… How do you actually do what you love?

1. Get comfortable with discomfort

Doing what you love often means stepping outside of the comfort zone of expectation. It might mean switching careers, pursuing something unconventional, or even disappointing people in the process. It’s uncomfortable—but that discomfort is proof that you’re pushing past limits that weren’t set by you in the first place.

2. Separate fear from reality

Sometimes, the biggest obstacle is our own fear. We tell ourselves, I’ll never make money doing this or People will think I’m crazy. But is that actually true, or is it just the voice of doubt talking? Plenty of people have carved out careers in unexpected ways—why not you? I recently read that it took Thomas Edison over 10,000 attempts to successfully create the light bulb. So, don’t give up after the first try!

3. Redefine success

If success only means a high salary, a corporate title, or external validation, then of course doing what you love will feel “wrong.” But success can mean impact, fulfillment, creativity, freedom—whatever matters to you. It’s not about fitting into someone else’s mold; it’s about building a life that aligns with your values and passions. Your life is yours to define, and only you get to decide what truly makes you feel successful.

4. Start small

Following your passion doesn’t have to mean dropping everything overnight. Maybe it starts as a side project, a class, or a few hours a week doing what makes you happy. Small steps still move you forward. Did you know that Amazon began as a small online bookstore in Jeff Bezos’ garage? I’m not saying you need to start a company, but it’s a great reminder that big things often start small!

5. Accept that not everyone will get it

Not everyone will understand your choices—and that’s okay. You’re the one living your life, not them. If you spend your twenties trying to please everyone else, you’ll wake up one day wondering why you never took a chance on yourself.

What’s the worst that could happen?

At the end of the day, you have two choices: live according to someone else’s expectations, or take a risk on what actually lights you up. One path might be safer, but the other? That’s where you are. And that’s where the magic happens.

So… what do you really want? 💡