Let’s be honest: “self-love” has become a bit of a buzzword lately. It’s splashed across Instagram pages, whispered in wellness circles, and painted onto pastel mugs next to the words “you are enough.” And while the intention is beautiful, it can sometimes feel vague or even out of reach. What is self-love, really? A bubble bath? A green smoothie? Buying yourself flowers?

Sometimes, yes. But most of the time, self-love is quieter, deeper, and less about indulgence—and more about showing up for yourself, even when it’s hard.

Self-love is how you speak to yourself when you mess up. It’s the boundaries you set, the rest you allow, the goals you pursue because you matter. It’s choosing to treat yourself with the same care you so freely give to others.

Here are five self-love practices that aren’t just feel-good fluff—they’re tools to help you build a deeper, more solid relationship with yourself.

1. Talk to yourself like someone you love

Think about how you’d speak to a friend who’s struggling. You’d probably be kind, understanding, maybe even a little funny to lighten the mood. Now contrast that with how you talk to yourself after a mistake. That inner critic can be ruthless.

Try this: the next time your brain spirals into self-blame or harsh commentary, pause. Ask yourself, Would I say this to someone I love? If not, rewrite the thought in a gentler, more compassionate tone. This tiny mental habit builds emotional resilience and chips away at toxic self-talk over time. I like to leave little reminders around to be gentle with myself—like a sticky note on my nightstand that says “be kind to your mind” or a phone background with a quote that lifts me up.

2. Make rest non-negotiable

This one sounds simple but can be surprisingly hard—especially if you’ve internalized the belief that your worth is tied to your productivity (that was me for the past 24 years). But here’s the truth: you don’t have to “earn” rest. Your body and mind need it just because you’re human.

Prioritize sleep. Take breaks without guilt. Say no to things that drain you. Self-love looks like protecting your energy, not pushing past your limits or living up to others’ expectations. I’ve found that having one day a week all to myself—no social plans, no pressure to reply to messages—does wonders for my peace of mind. That’s why I started doing No-Phone Sundays back in 2021, and it’s been a game changer ever since.

3. Keep promises to yourself (even the small ones)

Every time you follow through on a promise to yourself—whether it’s going for a walk, drinking enough water, or finishing that project—you’re reinforcing the belief that you can trust yourself. And that is huge for self-esteem.

The key? Start small. Pick one tiny commitment you can realistically keep every day, like journaling for five minutes or stretching before bed. Follow through. Then do it again. Over time, you’ll build a sense of inner trust that’s hard to shake. I always intend to wake up at 7:30 a.m., but sticking to it? That’s been a whole other story. I started to lose trust in the idea that I could ever be a “morning person.” Lately though, I’ve been trying to make it as easy—and kind—as possible to keep that promise to myself: a gentle Headspace meditation waiting when I wake up, and a cozy cup of matcha or tea as my first reward. Small comforts, big motivation.

4. Let yourself want what you want

It’s easy to lose touch with what you actually want when you’re busy being who everyone else needs you to be. Self-love means tuning back in. What excites you? What bores you? What do you want more of in your life?

Start by getting curious. Write down things that bring you joy—even the weird ones. Allow yourself to want without judgment. Wanting isn’t selfish—it’s human. And your desires are valid, even if they don’t make sense to anyone else. I used to chase goals that felt expected of me—pursuing a master’s degree, juggling side jobs, all in the name of building a “secure” future. But lately, I’ve hit pause. I’m giving myself permission to step back and figure out what I actually want, free from anyone else’s timeline or expectations. Is it easy? Definitely not. But am I learning more about myself than I ever have before? Absolutely.

5. Forgive yourself often and fully

Spoiler alert: you’re going to mess up. You’ll say the wrong thing, miss a deadline, ghost a workout, scroll for too long. Welcome to being a person.

But holding onto guilt doesn’t make you better—it just makes you stuck. Self-love means making peace with your imperfections. Learn from the mistake, apologize if needed, and move forward. You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of your own kindness. It’s so easy to spiral into guilt or shame when we mess up—our minds love to replay mistakes on a loop. But the truth is, bad days are part of being human. What matters is how we meet ourselves in those moments. One thing my mom always told me when everything felt heavy: “Tomorrow is a new day, with a fresh start.” And honestly, that reminder has carried me through more rough patches than I can count.

Final thoughts

Self-love isn’t always loud or obvious. It’s not always pretty, and it’s definitely not always easy. But it is essential. It’s the quiet foundation that helps you show up for life with more confidence, more clarity, and more compassion—not just for yourself, but for everyone around you. So maybe today’s the day to start small. Choose one way to show yourself love. Then do it again tomorrow.

What’s one thing you could do today that your future self would thank you for? 💛